Hello world!

Welcome to my Blog! My name is Rhonda, Im 36 years old, mother of 3 beautiful children (17,11 and 6), been married and divorced 3 times. Iv’e had several life experiences that I am going to share here in my blog, from not so pleasant childhood memories- some good, to abusive relationships, being a young mother to my struggles with my weight my entire life and my journey to either a gastric bypass or death, whichever comes first. I know that last statement may sound extremely dredful to some of you, but it’s currently my reality. Iv’e been trying to pursue this life-saving weight loss surgery for years and know a great deal about it, am even ready for it. I keep gaining weight and life events have prevented me from recieving the WLS such as pregnancies, moving or the big one, Insurance coverage and jumping through all their nasty little hoops. But, its all I have to hope for at this moment because Im bigger than Ive ever thought of myself being and am at my limit!! Not too much longer and I am bound to a bed for the rest of the days of my life!! I am fighting for my life right now, in a ton of pain and forcing myself through the pain to to live and get through from one day to the next. Simple things in life that some take for grantite, the little things like being able to simply get out of bed, walk across the room, fit behind the wheel of your car, go shopping, take a shower, bending over, getting dressed, doing my own hair, cooking for my family and worrying if my ass will fit in a chair in public, or even the simple act of wiping after using the toilet!! It is horrifying and death is very real and close when these things are all priority and in the front of your mind EVERYDAY…..And to get anyone else to understand is impossible and even more humiliating when you try to or have to explain to them, hey Im sorry I have to leave because my ass wont fit in your chair and it hurts to stand here much longer, or having to call my daughter into the bathroom with me to help me clean up after using the toilet or help me wash my backside in the shower because I cannot reach it myself…

People have a way of looking at you differently, treating you differently when your fat like me. People will say that they arent prejudice and that they feel sorry for people like me, but they are. We dont want you to feel sorry for us, we know were fat and seriously dont need to be reminded because hello, were the ones carrying ourselves around this mean cruel world. I dont blame fast food places or junk food vendors, or even a rough life or stress….. I blame myself!! Im my worst enemy and I sure as hell dont need your criticism either! What bothers me the most is people like doctors who treat me like shit and tell me i should really lose some weight as if they really cared about anything aside from the paycheck they get just to humiliate and belittle me. I dont need to be told the obvious!! Do you? Because the last time I checked I was just fat, not a moron!!

Ok enough of that.

Another thing I hope to acomplish by my new, my very first blog: is to be able to get somewhere on writing the book that I have always dreamed of writing. I’ve taken writing classes, psychology, sociology and many others and have always dreamed of writing a book. I think I’m a good writer, better understood on paper than in person in my own opinion, but sometimes my best work has been the hardest to get started. It’s kind of like a lack of a good jump start or something. Maybe by blogging I can get a good jump start on my writing skills? We’ll see I guess.  So here goes and this is my story…