Wheel of Power & Control- My Story

Here is yet another chart that was first shown to me by a therapist at the Women’s Abuse Center, and yet another awakening demonstration. I actually learned a lot of ways that abusive men use the women they are in relationships with.

Before I began getting help I didn’t even consider him an abuser, I was so brainwashed that I just seen him as a man with anger issues and some serious childhood trauma. In no way did it excuse him for the way he acted towards me and my children and in no way should I have allowed him to do such, but it happened and I had to tear down the walls that I had buildt to protect myself from being hurt, sadly did I not realize that i was being hurt anyways and so were my children.

I still actually need to be seeing a therapist i think to dig deeper and learn more about how its all affected me and my children.

I did see that there was something seriously wrong with my relationship with him, and I didnt like it, i hated living that way but kept thinking that he loved me enough to change, He continually reassured his love for me by telling me things like, “There is no one else in the world that could love you as much as I do”, “I’d kill myself if anything ever happened to you or the kids or you left me”, “If you left me, I’d hunt you down”, “If anyone ever hurt you or the kids, I’d kill them”, “we were made for eachother”, “Your my life”, “my blood would be on your hands if you left me”.

He would often lie to people to make himself look good he would exaggerate things, he would lie to gain something in return for himself, he would steal from his “friends”, family and businesses, he wrote many bad checks for things he wanted and it was always excessive, then he would blame it on me, it was always my fault when something went bad or made him look bad, either that or it was my son’s fault. He always had a scam running through his mind, some he pursued and some he just talked about. He would take out insurance on a vehicle just to wreck it and collect insurance, often he would collect but still be able to drive the wrecked vehicle. He had family members who did this often as well.

His family seen how poorly he treated us, especially my son, they would even confront him on it, which would only anger him and made life at home that much more difficult for us. Never though did any of them actually stand up for us, as the day I left him was made even more difficult by them alerting him. His family made me think they were all my friends until it really came down to it, then they stabbed me in the back and to this day they wonder why I don’t want anything to do with any of them. I cant afford being friends with any of them, they may run and tell him everything as one or all of them did in the past. Maybe they all got issues of control!! All I know is im somewhat rid of him and dont need them in my life being his messengers, as he has a history of stalking me already.

I lived 7 years of hell with this man, Ive been isolated from the world from friends and family, I didnt want him getting angry and it just made life easier to keep everything quiet without them in my life. Anytime I thought about trying to be friends with anyone I would get grilled about where we went and what we did and who we seen etc. He even would accuse me of having sexual relations with them, so it was easier to just pull away and keep a distance from anyone who was remotely friendly towards me.

I was raped and sodomized and belittled and forced into trying things that I didnt want to.

Every aspect of my entire world was in HIS control, to where I became severely dependent on him for everything, I depended on him to make my decisions and take care of me and my children, then he would turn around and tell other people that I couldnt do anything without him because I needed him, when finally I got to a point where secretly I just wished he would die!!!

I seriously believe that if I did not get out and leave him when I did, i would have ended up killing him, yes I would have murdered him as a means out of the relationship. THAT is a scarey thought! I think about that statement and it seriously scares me, because Im NOT a murderer and NOT a violent person, but a man as such turned me into a monster, a person I did not even know!!